I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
