Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
