Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
