then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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