just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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