Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize