I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
