I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
