My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
