Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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