oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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