Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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