Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize