well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
