Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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