is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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