It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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