the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
