he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
