I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.