dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?