my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.