I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
