It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
