i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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