you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
