R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
