He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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