I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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