before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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