You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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