My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
