Me. At least after what I've been through.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
