Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
