Cold hands, warm shart.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
