I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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