Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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