Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it hurts more in the daytime
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
