oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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