Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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