Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just got carded by a ten year old.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
