so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
