I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
