end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
