Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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