I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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