I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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