i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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