I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
