You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
