so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
