You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
