You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
