I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
