It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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