I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
