Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
