Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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