The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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