Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
