What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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