Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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