Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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