I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
