I need help removing her.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
