I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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