I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
