You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
