accomplished twins. life is a go
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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