I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
