i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
